How long has it been? A week? Two weeks? Time seems sort of muddled right now...all of the days merge into one another and become one long, unhappy day.

I can't get over it. For a while I'll do well, but something will happen - a dream, a smell, some reminder - and I'm thrown back into the deep dark well. It hasn't helped that summer is coming upon us slowly...summer is my absolute FAVORITE season.

I've been reading self-help books during the times when I'm not occupied with work or something else - they actually do seem to help a little. The ideas are generally the same no matter which book you read, and many try to offer suggestions into self-diagnosis of psychological issues that may exist. I'm sure I've got some sort of problem, but being uneducated in psychology, I'm just going to skip all of that for now. In terms of diagnosising John...well, that's equally useless at this point. It isn't going to make any difference to the outcome.

One thing worth mentioning: he has made many small efforts to contact me. I've gotten AIMs and emails, he's started going to the gym when I go, he's changed his bathroom routine so that he uses the one nearest to my office at work. I have avoided him, but I did find myself responding to his emails and AIMs. I wish I hadn't, to be honest. Does it mean that he wants to reconcile? I don't really know what it means - all I know is that, after chatting with him, all of the old feelings come crashing down upon me. I start missing him terribly and wanting to be nearer to him - a bad thing. 

Anyway, I've decided that I need to approach this like an addiction and take things one day at a time. I might have another relapse, but the main goal here is to quit him like a bad habit. And he IS a bad habit - despite the chemistry, there has always been something missing. I know from past experiences that the early warning signs should NEVER be ignored, and bad habits that only slightly annoy in the throes of infatuation tend to become deal-breakers later on. It's really not worth the pain, and life is too short to wllow in self-pity and a sea of "what-if's"

So here I go...I'm following this list (http://www.wikihow.com/Fall-Out-of-Love) and learning how to fall out of love. I know I can do it.